I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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