I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
