we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize