I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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