there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize