No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
