I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
