the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
