They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
