I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
