remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
