Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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