Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
