i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
