This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
