I met the friendliest cop last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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