That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
