Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
