So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
