i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I won the penis lottery.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
