there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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