It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
