It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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