Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
