exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
