Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He passed out mid-signature
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
