I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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