It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
