Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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