Dude my mom stole all your condoms
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
