When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
