You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
