I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Two words: blizzard sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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