I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
