He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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