Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
