what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
