I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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