he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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