Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize