We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
