There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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