I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
BRING THE BAGELS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
