1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
