I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
