9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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