In America we eat man semen.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize