So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
