I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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