I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
