You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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