yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize