my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
