why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
