put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
