I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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