Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
