Where are you?
In a non slutty way
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
