so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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