we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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