sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
