i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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