that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
