Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
