it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
