He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
one might say we're banned from that church
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
