He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
