You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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