You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
