He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize