Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
