P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
