you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
