im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
