I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
