Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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