i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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