Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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