he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize