Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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