You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
