When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
