My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
