Someone shit on the floor
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
