Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This girl is more easily done than said...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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