I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
