im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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