Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
