a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
