Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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