I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
