Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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