This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
