so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
