I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
