We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
