Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
