I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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