I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
