I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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