I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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