Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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