we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
