Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize