I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
