In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think people are normalizing furries
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
