Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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