If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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