I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
