it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
