these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
